contentment.

hello there.
recently, it has come to my attention that i am 25 and not married.


i know, you are thinking "oh, really? i'm surprised!" what i mean by that is that i am aware of that fact. prior to this realization, i thought "yeah i'm not married. whatever." but there is something about realizing where you thought you would be, and where you are. i honestly thought i'd be married by now. or at least dating someone on the path to marriage. yet, here i am. blogging about my singleness. HAHA. its weird, for some reason, i've had lots of books come accross my path about the nature of men and women, and our BIBLICAL roles. often, these biblical roles play out in natural ways. but i digress. its been really interesting. one thing that has really struck me is that, as a woman, i'm not designed to provide for myself. when you look at scripture, even when a woman was widowed, the community was to come alongside her and care for her. and yet, here i am, struggling each month to provide for myself.

i have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. what i want to do is teach preschool and/or be a wife and mother. i know i'm a good teacher, and i have hopes that i will be an excellent wife and mother. instead, i'm working in a corporate-type environment (but don't get paid corporate-type wages ha). i might have to share a room the next place i live in.

i kind of feel like my expectations have been shattered. at 25, i expected to at least have a job where i didn't scrape by every month. and be on the path to marriage. but none of those things are true. i feel like each step i take is a step backwards, not forwards. but on whose path? mine, or the Lord's? if i truly believe that He has good plans for me, then why am i fighting so hard againt where he has me? Paul's words really struck me this week:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

I need to learn to be content. God has me in this place. And i don't want to miss his blessings because I'm too busy pining for what I don't have to see what is right in front of me. If I believe in God's goodness and sovreignty, then I need to live it.