yet, i know my time here has purpose. even though most days i can't see it. i long with every fiber of my being to be back with elic. although i know this is where i am supposed to be, sometimes i feel like i made the wrong choice. my work there gave me purpose like no other. like i have said many times, i loved my job as a sender. i got up every morning ready to go to work because i LOVED it. yesterday, i was looking at fair trade catalogs and cried. poverty, spiritual and physical, breaks my heart. and my job has so much potential to change that but i can't move forward with it. so i sit, answering calls, looking at jewelry for old ladies, reading books that are lame, and becoming more and more disgusted with christian culture (seriously, if i see one more bible specifically designed for "god's little princess" i will throw up.) i want to be in asia, but god is breaking my heart for what is right in front of me.
but like i said, there is purpose. i was talking with a friend about how life since moving to simi valley has been HARD. actually, since moving to CA, but even more so since i've moved here. and i realized...we are part of something that satan is scared of - living BIBLICALLY. living for the glory of god. the thing about being the church instead of going to church is that it radically transforms lives. hence the idea of not just community, but TRANSFORMATIVE community. so, we should expect opposition. instead we wonder why we struggle the way we do, with things we never have before. its because we make satan nervous. well we're not leaving so BOOYAH (thats one of my favorite words of the moment. feel free to use it).
so, i'll leave with this: god is good. and i'm learning, ever so slowly, to trust him.
