just for the record,

being 25 is weird. welcome to my quarter-life crisis.

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through I'll be found in you
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

lately.

i had some thoughts this morning at 5 AM.

-obedience to God' word and abiding in Christ go hand-in-hand.

-how can I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit if I'm not listening?

remember, its a process.

so, today, not unlike other days, i have felt so defeated. defeated because i feel victorious one day and seemingly never had victory the next day. because i see how sinful i really am and i feel like i will never move forward. because i focus on the sin instead of the risen Christ that enables me to be more than a conquerer.

but then a good friend reminded me today - loving God is a PROCESS. we are not sanctified once, we are continually being sanctified. its something we experience day by day, moment by moment. i need to have enough grace for myself to let God finish the work He started in me, which will happen for the rest of my earthly life, until I meet him face to face.

and that is a beautiful thought. thank you, jesus, for using your servants to speak truth.

seriously.

ummm i keep hearing about the same thing over and over again.  

weird.

i think change is on the horizon.

accepting the imperfections.

so. let me share an insecurity of mine that, to most, seems silly, but to me, is actually serious.



i have this tooth, you see. and when i was younger, i hit it, and had to have a root canal. now its grey. and i HATE it. its in the front, so you can see it when i smile. everytime i smile in a picture, i see it. and i cringe. no one else really sees it. but i do. and it SERIOUSLY bothers me. it makes me feel hideous. its like this glaring imperfection that i wish i didn't have.

today, i went to the beach with some friends. one of them took some photos of me. one i really really liked...except for THE TOOTH. always getting in the way. but i looked at it, and for some reason today, i almost liked that tooth. its an imperfection. its a flaw. but...its mine. and instead of hiding that i'm flawed and imperfect, always trying to cover up reality, i decided to share that picture with the world.



this is what i'm learning right now. to accept that i am flawed. to recognize that in my humanity. to admit to God, myself, and others that i am, in fact, totally depraved, but that by His grace, I have been redeemed.

i am imperfect.

and i'm ok with that.

no k.

"God Wants Me To Be Rich"