long time.

well, it has been a long time.  like 6 months.  i feel like i could say a lot.  i've learned a lot.  i'm living in simi valley.  again.  for another year.  i'm starting my third year in california.  that is completely bizarre to me.  i never thought i'd be here.  when i moved, i thought a year.  when i stayed, i figured just one more year.  and yet, here i am.  just existing.  

yet, i know my time here has purpose.  even though most days i can't see it.  i long with every fiber of my being to be back with elic.  although i know this is where i am supposed to be, sometimes i feel like i made the wrong choice.  my work there gave me purpose like no other.  like i have said many times, i loved my job as a sender.  i got up every morning ready to go to work because i LOVED it.  yesterday, i was looking at fair trade catalogs and cried.  poverty, spiritual and physical, breaks my heart.  and my job has so much potential to change that but i can't move forward with it.  so i sit, answering calls, looking at jewelry for old ladies, reading books that are lame, and becoming more and more disgusted with christian culture (seriously, if i see one more bible specifically designed for "god's little princess" i will throw up.)  i want to be in asia, but god is breaking my heart for what is right in front of me.  

but like i said, there is purpose.  i was talking with a friend about how life since moving to simi valley has been HARD. actually, since moving to CA, but even more so since i've moved here.  and i realized...we are part of something that satan is scared of - living BIBLICALLY.  living for the glory of god.  the thing about being the church instead of going to church is that it radically transforms lives.  hence the idea of not just community, but TRANSFORMATIVE community.  so, we should expect opposition.  instead we wonder why we struggle the way we do, with things we never have before.  its because we make satan nervous.  well we're not leaving so BOOYAH (thats one of my favorite words of the moment.  feel free to use it).

so, i'll leave with this: god is good.  and i'm learning, ever so slowly, to trust him.

blog.

here is my blog.

life is amazing.
God is good.

ok, bye.

contentment.

hello there.
recently, it has come to my attention that i am 25 and not married.


i know, you are thinking "oh, really? i'm surprised!" what i mean by that is that i am aware of that fact. prior to this realization, i thought "yeah i'm not married. whatever." but there is something about realizing where you thought you would be, and where you are. i honestly thought i'd be married by now. or at least dating someone on the path to marriage. yet, here i am. blogging about my singleness. HAHA. its weird, for some reason, i've had lots of books come accross my path about the nature of men and women, and our BIBLICAL roles. often, these biblical roles play out in natural ways. but i digress. its been really interesting. one thing that has really struck me is that, as a woman, i'm not designed to provide for myself. when you look at scripture, even when a woman was widowed, the community was to come alongside her and care for her. and yet, here i am, struggling each month to provide for myself.

i have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. what i want to do is teach preschool and/or be a wife and mother. i know i'm a good teacher, and i have hopes that i will be an excellent wife and mother. instead, i'm working in a corporate-type environment (but don't get paid corporate-type wages ha). i might have to share a room the next place i live in.

i kind of feel like my expectations have been shattered. at 25, i expected to at least have a job where i didn't scrape by every month. and be on the path to marriage. but none of those things are true. i feel like each step i take is a step backwards, not forwards. but on whose path? mine, or the Lord's? if i truly believe that He has good plans for me, then why am i fighting so hard againt where he has me? Paul's words really struck me this week:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

I need to learn to be content. God has me in this place. And i don't want to miss his blessings because I'm too busy pining for what I don't have to see what is right in front of me. If I believe in God's goodness and sovreignty, then I need to live it.

ha.

i was told that i could leave at 4 PM today. had i known that beforehand, i would not have carpooled today HA.

my boss told me i could just read. so i have my bible, total church, and a pen handy :) its quiet and i will (hopefully) not be interrupted.

tomorrow, 3 of my favorite people from charlotte arrive. and we will eat turkey. and don't worry, i won't burn it. i am cooking for 7 people, 5 of them boys. what a hilarious thanksgiving. but it sure does feel like family :)

i really am SO thankful. its really crazy. god has given me so much to be thankful for...its amazing. if i started a list it would be a mile long. but God has been truly good to me. So much has happened over the past year, and I'm so grateful for each step of the journey.

Let the holidays begin :)

my heart feels alive.

i am so thankful.

its crazy. i love my charlotte family. so much. but then, i was talking with a friend, and it just struck me...i need to be grateful. i have been given so much here. i am really, truly loved. and there is no selfishness in it. it is so good and pure and christ-like.

i am so so so thankful. i have amazing people here who do not let me sit in my sin. sure, my friendships are sometimes hard and uncomfortable. but thats what purshes me towards Christ, towards holiness. thats what life is about. to live is christ, to die is gain. i want everything i say and do, and the relationships that i have, to reflect that verse.

god is amazing. i am so in love with him. mmmmmmmm!

dear charlotte,

a letter to charlotte and the amazing people it containted, both past and present.

dear charlotte,
i first want to say, that i'm sorry i hated you that one time. you know, when i lived there? i see how dumb that was. for some reason, you somehow brought the most amazing people ever created and threw them all together for one glorious year. then, we all had to leave. its sad, really. together, we are a big giant group of love, sunshine, and happiness. its so true, charlotte, that you don't know what you have until its gone (sorry, i just couldn't bring myself to type with such poor grammar).

i'm so glad you have an airport, so that i could fly and visit those amazing people. you also have a nice skyline that seems to grow wider and taller each time i visit you. its funny, charlotte. i live in los angeles, where many people come to pursue their dreams. but me? i'd rather be with you, as long as you bring all the amazing people back from their corners - nashville, philadelphia, raleigh, etc. also, your leaves are quite nice this time of year.

charlotte, thank you for letting me live on your crazy streets. i miss them a lot. even the ones that don't make sense.

love,
lindsey


ok, letter done. let me just say, that i miss charlotte so much. its CRAZY to me that i have lived in CA for longer than i lived in charlotte, yet that place (or really those people) still have my heart like no one else. i have not found that here yet. the people here are different - in a good way, but just different. i have never felt so comfortable and free to be myself. gosh, i miss all those people. teddy, chris, hailey, angela, manda, ginny, tim, peter, kelly, joel, staci, audrey...i know i left people off this list, but MAN. i love these people so much. i know my place is here, but my heart is not. i forgot what it was like to be so loved. to not have to fight so hard for my friendships. to not have to constantly be working on them...and just BE. enjoy life. dance like there is no tomorrow, and not care if you look idiotic. i forgot that. i think i've spent too much time trying here.

so, maybe i'll stop. and just be myself. what a novel idea.

choosing the eternal at the expense of the temporary.

2 Corinthians 5

The Temporal and Eternal

1For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
2For indeed in this house we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven,
3inasmuch as we, having put it on, will not be found naked.
4For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life.
5Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge.
6Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord--
7for we walk by faith, not by sight--
8we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.
9Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
10For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.
11Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade men, but we are made manifest to God; and I hope that we are made manifest also in your consciences.
12We are not again commending ourselves to you but are giving you an occasion to be proud of us, so that you will have an answer for those who take pride in appearance and not in heart.
13For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you.
14For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died;
15and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
16Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer.
17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
18Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,
19namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
20Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
21He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.