last night at church, Francis had us stop and ask God, "what do you want me to do this week/in 2008?" i got nothing specific like "go hold babies in africa" (sadly...thats what i'd love to hear, honestly). i got "love more. serve more. give more." the concept of "more" has been very prevalent in my life lately. pray more, seek more, do more. and while that is exciting...
i don't want to. right now, i'm loving at a level that is very uncomfortable. most of my relationships make me want to run at the moment because they are very difficult. i feel exhausted from the amount i'm giving out, whether its through my job or just generally. and i'm like, "God, you want MORE? i feel like i'm dying already!" and maybe i feel exhausted b/c i'm loving out of my own strength. i don't know, honestly. i don't feel encouraged. i feel like i'm just giving, giving, giving. maybe thats why the lord chose to encourage me last week, because he knew i'd be met with the opposite the very next day.
i feel like there's so much i could say, except it would be complaining and not uplifting. i am just really wrestling with what to do at this point with certain situations in my life. i don't know where to go, who to place myself around, what my role is in terms of community, what my job should be.
i think i'm too stressed. maybe i should pray instead of writing a blog. ok bye.
1 comment:
i totally hear ya and this is definitely an overwhelming thing...right now i am trying to figure out in what area that more is and maybe make it a little less in the other areas...you know what i mean...maybe we should keep each other updated on this little problem we both are having, cause any wisdom would pretty much be amazing.
i heart you.
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