in honor of the upcoming holiday:

when no means no.

you know when you want something very badly, and yet everything screams NO? your own heart, your friends, and even the Lord say "NO", and yet your desire remains unchanged?
that frustrates me. i want to accept the loving correction and leading of my Father, who truly knows what is best for me, even if it seems contrary to my desires. He knows that giving me those things would make less room for Him, and He is a jealous God.
And yet here I sit, with these desires that aren't sinful, but ones to which the Lord is saying "No...but look, wait, and watch what I have in store for you." I want to long for the things of God, the things that will fill me up with Him, rather than silly, empty snacks that will leave me feeling totally unsatisfied. I'm tired of seeking my satisfaction in other people and other things; in affirmation, in relationships with others, even in attention. I just want the Lord. But my willpower, my desire to chase after that instead of all the empty things is so low. I don't get it. I know I feel empty, and yet I return to those things time and again. The only answer is found in CHRIST. I have to CLING to Him, for HE ALONE is my HOPE.

the thorn.

i had some realizations today that are just hitting me in the most profound way. so, since i've been out here, my life has been nothing short of amazing, except one thing (which i won't go into). this one thing has constantly forced me on my knees and kept me needing God. without it, i would probably be just as happy as a bird (is that a saying? i don't even like birds). its been something that has been incredibly difficult on me emotionally, and sometimes spiritually. and sometimes my attitude has been anger and bitterness.
but today, i'm thankful. i'm SO thankful that god has kept me needing him.
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)
This verse perfectly describes what i'm feeling right now. Christ's power is made perfect in weakness! God, don't make me strong! Make me weak! I want to know CHRIST and the POWER of His resurrection. I don't want to rely on myself, for anything. So I'm thankful that God, in his grace, has allowed me to show Him strong in my weakness.

God is good.

Things I Like Right Now:

"Therefore, we should so fimly establish ourselves in God that we have no need to seek much human ecouragement. Its is when a man of good will is distressed, or tempted, or afflicted with evil thoughts, that he best understands the overwhelming need he has for God, without whom he can do nothing. While enduring these afflictions he takes himself to prayer with sighs and groans; he grows tired of this life and wishes to die so that he could be undone in order to live with Christ. It is in such times of trial that he realizes that perfect security and full peace are not to be found in this world."


"Hold fast to Jesus in both life and in death and commit yourself to his steadfast love, for He alone can help you when all others fail. You Beloved is such that He admits no rival; He wants your heart all to Himself and desires to reign there as a king on his own throne."

"Simplicity looks to God, but purity finds him and enjoys him."


2 Corinthinas 4, Colossians.

the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
(galatians 5:6)

i have read galatians multiple times, and never noticed this verse. man, that's good.

man.

march is going to be a good month.  i'm excited.