this.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

the deodorant aisle.

i'm going to let you in on a little secret (no, that was not a pun).

i really hate the deodorant aisle.

there really shouldn't be so many choices.  the thing is, every time i buy deodorant, i'm usually not satisfied.  so when it comes time for a new stick, i want something different.  its not like shampoo where you can go with what worked.  it never works/smells like you had hoped.  for instance, i've been on a lavender kick, so i bought french lavender scent last time. note to secret: lavender does not smell like fruit.  but i digress.

there is too much to process. do i want clear?  soft solid?  clear soft solid?  regular stick? all-natural?  with baking soda?  prescription strength?  and thats not even counting the smells.  do i want fruit or flower?  certainly not powder. EW. (ps.  who in the world thought "hey i know of a good deodorant smell - vanilla chai!"  seriously?). 

i also saw this stick that is a crystal that you can use on your armpits or your feet (what?  who would do that?) and it promises to get rid of odor, and last for a year.  tempting, but no thanks.

my dream?  that body odor was not a reality.  then i wouldn't have to buy deodorant, and be faced with the overwhelming task of choosing the "right" one, only to have to do it all over again 3 months later.

the end.

encouraged by love.

today, as i was meeting with my boss, i just felt overwhelmed with love for God.  and not because of any particular thing thats going on, or anything i'm learning or whatever.  i just felt so...full of gratitude, and just really thankful for everything.  particularly the people i have in my life.  

so many of my friends this week have randomly decided to tell me that they care for me.  to be honest, its hard for me to hear/accept what they say.  because i'm so hard on myself all the time, rarely do i think that i'm worth loving (which is horrifying, i know, and one of the lies that i am diligently battling!).  but this week, hearing those words, they just made me cry, because what they say of me pales in comparison to the love God has for me.  

in addition, there are certain friends i have that make me want to love jesus more.  seeing how my friends make decisions, how they shun the ways of the world in pursuit of christ just blows me away.  i just feel so incredibly blessed to have friends that are little reflections of jesus.  

man, being a follower of christ is great.  even when life gets hard, or i have to deny myself, without hope in jesus, my life has no meaning.  i'm so thankful that He loves me. 

:)

the perfect day.

talking with my best friend this morning, i realized how much i have changed.

god has somehow done the miraculous in my heart and enabled me to ENJOY being alone.  imagine that.  

this weekend, my house has been quiet.  just me, a good book, a coffee pot...it has been so good.  this morning, i went for a run, watered the flowers, sat on my patio eating strawberries.  and it was literally the most perfect morning.  the sun is shining and the sky is blue.  and i played my guitar and sang some songs in chinese, and it was so great.  i don't even speak chinese!  but it made my heart so happy.  and my coffee mug had white polka dots.  bonus.  seriously, that is what makes a day perfect...when it starts out like that, and ends with good friends.  

i love my life.  i am so blessed.  not because i have stuff. but because He has rescued me from darkness and brought me into Glorious Light.  mmmmmmm!  

i am happy :)

a week of silence (kind of).

*i am a verbal processor.  i have not been able to verbally process.  so here it is.  and it might not make sense.  ready, set, go*

recently, god has been doing a lot in my life, blessing me in extraordinary ways even when it wouldn't make sense (isn't that always the case?).  anyway, its been so good.  but yet... there was an unsettled feeling in my heart, until i realized that i had forgotten something so basic - to truly treasure jesus.  instead, people (in general) had become a sort of idol - my relationships had take the place of the the most important relationship - with God.  

so, i turned off my phone on tuesday (its still off and will remain that way til sunday).  its been interesting.  the thing is, i still have been surrounded by people.  i just haven't been texting/talking all day.  i did have IM on the first two days, but was informed that was cheating (to be fair, i did not IM anyone else.  so at least that's something. ha).  i think the real test will be tomorrow/saturday, when i will be in simi w/ no roommates, and no internet, and no phone... strangely enough, i'm looking forward to it.  to be truly alone with god, without interruption/distraction.  it will likely be difficult for me, but i am at a place where i just want jesus.

it sickens me to think that i have let the idea that god is not enough creep into my thought patterns.  He IS enough.  interesting note, i borrowed The Weight of Glory about two months ago from a friend and never cracked it open, and then picked it up Tuesday.  Basically the entire first chapter is about how the longings we try and fulfill in things of this world are ultimately met in Christ.  I love this quote:

we are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  we are far too easily pleased.

isn't that so true?  why do i look to things of this world, even people, to fulfill desires and longings that will never met fully met outside of Christ?  this world is so temporary, the pleasure and the pain, so why do i focus on these fleeting things instead of looking to the One who was, and is, and is to come?

what a treasure you are, o victorious one.

what a treasure you are, o risen one.

prayer is good on multiple levels.

so, today, i was in a terrible, terrible funk.  so much so that i couldn't get out of bed this morning and took a personal day.  i just wanted to cry, and complain about my amazing life.  real productive.  to be honest, i've been in this funk for about a week...2 if you count the week i was sick.  anyway, today two things happened.  one of my new roommates had something difficult happen to her today, and so i prayed for her.  and you know what happened?  my own heart felt lighter.  isn't that funny!  when i stop thinking about myself, and fix my eyes and Christ and how He moves in the lives of those around me, my perspective changes.  it happened again when i talked to my "brother" (in quotes because we aren't related by blood, but pretty much should be), and he told me some stuff going on in his life that made me cry, so i prayed for him too and it was like...oh YEAH.  God IS good.  God IS sovreign, and He knows what He's doing.  

So, if you are in a funk, go pray for someone else.  Its miraculous what happens.

And in case you have forgotten this verse, let me remind you of it:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

my heart hurts.

I read world news on a daily basis, just to keep up with what is going on...mostly Asian news, but I try to keep in general. The headlines this week are: 12,00 people dead in China. 100,000 dead in Myanmar. Rebels dropping bombs on schools in Dafur. Bombs in India. It breaks my heart. What am I supposed to do?
After reading a recent article about the situation in Myanmar, i read this quote:

"The UN said child traffickers are targeting the youngest and most vulnerable survivors of the catastrophe, and that two suspects have already been arrested after trying to recruit children at a relief camp."

I almost lost it at work. It is SO hard for me to read stuff like this. Burmese children are some of the most trafficked, and now with all that has happened in that country, they are even more at risk. As if 100,000 people dead and another 1.5 million homeless and starving wasn't enough, children are even more at risk than they already were. I feel just completely helpless. I don't know what I can give. And its like...giving anything to Myanmar doesn't mean that the people will get it. They are eating moldy rice even though aid has been recieved!

What can I do? I feel like prayer isn't enough. But it IS. It is a powerful weapon And I take comfort (somewhat) in the fact the organizations like Gospel For Asia have nationals in Burma, who are Christians, who are being mobilized. I just am realizing (again) the magnitude of what I have been given, as an American...and I don't want to waste it. God has given me so much, and instead of using it just to bless myself, I want to bless others. I can't even imagine what life is like in extreme poverty. I've never (other than voluntarily) had to go w/o food, or shelter, or clean drinking water. I can't even IMAGINE what that's like.

The point is: we need to pray.