oh.

so, i just got back from virginia.  every time i go out of town for work, its...an interesting experience. it becomes less discouraging each time i go, but nontheless, still discouraging.  anyway, i realized after this trip that i REALLY thrive off routine.  when i have steps to follow, when i know my hours are 8-5.  i am flexible in some ways, but...really i'm not.  i think it comes down to my desire to be in control.  if i know what/when/where/how/why, then i'm good to go.  but when  i don't know all those things, i freak out and fall apart (ok i'm being kind of dramatic.  shocking, i know.)  But I just don't feel happy, normal, or myself.  I feel super tired...all week I was drained and then didn't sleep well.  jet lag I guess.

This concerns me.  I don't want to be in control of my life.  The minute I think I've let go I realize the extent of the grip I have on my life.  Its really tight.  I like to say that my grip has loosened, and maybe it has...but i still have so many areas, even day to day small things, that i have yet to surrender to the Lord, even realize need to be surrendered.  

On a totally different note, today is the day I've been looking forward to since December 2nd of last year...the presidents day party.  oh MAN.  this is going to be hilarious.  Here's my inspiration:

hahah.  wow.  i can't even handle how awesome this will be.

goodbye.