its a month in to 2010. so far this year, i got a tattoo. my hair is brown again. i'm going to bible college. i bought a little notebook to start writing songs. i'm going to learn to play more than 6 chords on the guitar.
yesterday i watched sufjan steven's film The BQE (you can get it on netflix, too). its not so much a film as a collection of moving images of the area surrounding the brooklyn-queens expressway. there are no words, no plot. the soundtrack is incredible. i thought it was beautiful, and for me, having spent extended periods of time in the city, it really moved me, to the point that i almost started crying. i love, love, LOVE new york. something about it left an impression on my heart almost 8 years ago, and it really hasn't let go.
today i've been thinking about what i love. and why i'm doing things i hate instead. why i settle instead of pursuring my passions. over the past three years, ive become a little bit dead inside, because i've just settled for whats in front of me. i've become gripped by fear of what other people think about me. and that, aside from making me a very confused young lady, HINDERS THE GOSPEL. too often, i rationalize away the passions in my heart, because i don't believe they can be done. i'm afraid to dream.
i'm praying that i would stop settling, for the sake of Jesus, and not my own.
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i'm in the same boat. i always settle. i am tired of doing things alone, so i have just stopped doing them. but i'm trying to make my own adventures again. and create and entertain my heart. thank you for sharing.
i love you. and i miss you. hope all is well.
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