a week of silence (kind of).

*i am a verbal processor.  i have not been able to verbally process.  so here it is.  and it might not make sense.  ready, set, go*

recently, god has been doing a lot in my life, blessing me in extraordinary ways even when it wouldn't make sense (isn't that always the case?).  anyway, its been so good.  but yet... there was an unsettled feeling in my heart, until i realized that i had forgotten something so basic - to truly treasure jesus.  instead, people (in general) had become a sort of idol - my relationships had take the place of the the most important relationship - with God.  

so, i turned off my phone on tuesday (its still off and will remain that way til sunday).  its been interesting.  the thing is, i still have been surrounded by people.  i just haven't been texting/talking all day.  i did have IM on the first two days, but was informed that was cheating (to be fair, i did not IM anyone else.  so at least that's something. ha).  i think the real test will be tomorrow/saturday, when i will be in simi w/ no roommates, and no internet, and no phone... strangely enough, i'm looking forward to it.  to be truly alone with god, without interruption/distraction.  it will likely be difficult for me, but i am at a place where i just want jesus.

it sickens me to think that i have let the idea that god is not enough creep into my thought patterns.  He IS enough.  interesting note, i borrowed The Weight of Glory about two months ago from a friend and never cracked it open, and then picked it up Tuesday.  Basically the entire first chapter is about how the longings we try and fulfill in things of this world are ultimately met in Christ.  I love this quote:

we are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  we are far too easily pleased.

isn't that so true?  why do i look to things of this world, even people, to fulfill desires and longings that will never met fully met outside of Christ?  this world is so temporary, the pleasure and the pain, so why do i focus on these fleeting things instead of looking to the One who was, and is, and is to come?

what a treasure you are, o victorious one.

what a treasure you are, o risen one.

prayer is good on multiple levels.

so, today, i was in a terrible, terrible funk.  so much so that i couldn't get out of bed this morning and took a personal day.  i just wanted to cry, and complain about my amazing life.  real productive.  to be honest, i've been in this funk for about a week...2 if you count the week i was sick.  anyway, today two things happened.  one of my new roommates had something difficult happen to her today, and so i prayed for her.  and you know what happened?  my own heart felt lighter.  isn't that funny!  when i stop thinking about myself, and fix my eyes and Christ and how He moves in the lives of those around me, my perspective changes.  it happened again when i talked to my "brother" (in quotes because we aren't related by blood, but pretty much should be), and he told me some stuff going on in his life that made me cry, so i prayed for him too and it was like...oh YEAH.  God IS good.  God IS sovreign, and He knows what He's doing.  

So, if you are in a funk, go pray for someone else.  Its miraculous what happens.

And in case you have forgotten this verse, let me remind you of it:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

my heart hurts.

I read world news on a daily basis, just to keep up with what is going on...mostly Asian news, but I try to keep in general. The headlines this week are: 12,00 people dead in China. 100,000 dead in Myanmar. Rebels dropping bombs on schools in Dafur. Bombs in India. It breaks my heart. What am I supposed to do?
After reading a recent article about the situation in Myanmar, i read this quote:

"The UN said child traffickers are targeting the youngest and most vulnerable survivors of the catastrophe, and that two suspects have already been arrested after trying to recruit children at a relief camp."

I almost lost it at work. It is SO hard for me to read stuff like this. Burmese children are some of the most trafficked, and now with all that has happened in that country, they are even more at risk. As if 100,000 people dead and another 1.5 million homeless and starving wasn't enough, children are even more at risk than they already were. I feel just completely helpless. I don't know what I can give. And its like...giving anything to Myanmar doesn't mean that the people will get it. They are eating moldy rice even though aid has been recieved!

What can I do? I feel like prayer isn't enough. But it IS. It is a powerful weapon And I take comfort (somewhat) in the fact the organizations like Gospel For Asia have nationals in Burma, who are Christians, who are being mobilized. I just am realizing (again) the magnitude of what I have been given, as an American...and I don't want to waste it. God has given me so much, and instead of using it just to bless myself, I want to bless others. I can't even imagine what life is like in extreme poverty. I've never (other than voluntarily) had to go w/o food, or shelter, or clean drinking water. I can't even IMAGINE what that's like.

The point is: we need to pray.

man

god is so good.

and faithful.

and it blows my mind how often i forget that.  and how despite that i act like he isn't big enough, he loves me enough to prove me wrong every time.

mmmm mmmm!

i hate being sick.

the title says it all.

being hidden

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her." -Elisabeth Elliot, Passion & Purity

i've been thinking about this quote a lot lately. not because i'm dwelling a ton on being single (although what single woman doesn't think about it from time to time). but, i really do desire to be hidden in Christ. i don't want to attract anyone because of anything other than Christ. thats what i want to be attractive to others. being hidden in christ has been my biggest prayer lately. its funny because my boss has really prayed that a lot over me, just the idea that i'm like a garden that is hedged in.
i really desire that. to be truly HIDDEN in Christ. if the Lord has a husband for me, i pray that it is only through pursuing Christ that He would find me. i don't want anything less than that.

more work shenanigans

left on the "free table". gee, i think i'll try one.

AMAZING

i have hilarious friends. i laughed so hard last night. you know how sometimes you just need a night where the laughter is just unending? that was last night. i'm glad god created humor and funniness. thats not even a word. i'm also glad he created cats. not because i really like cats, but because they really provide unending humor.
i also like mustaches.
the end.